Romance and Dating contract for your overnight fling ...

I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of
friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in
exchange for one night of approved fondling and fornication.
I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass or aggravate said co-signer of contract for a time
of no less than thirty days and nights after said activities have
been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to publicize rumors,
misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends,
and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger.
I will say "hi" if we pass within ten meters in a friendly,
if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of listed
activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet
oh so valuable stuff lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer's house for the sole purpose of returning to said address and
breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.
I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own,
nor talk about some former great lover who wore the same
cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of
all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity. 

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